•  Holiday Stress •  How to Survive the Holidays With the Relatives •  Special Report: Dealing With Difficult Families •  Special Report: Holiday Blues

by Lynn Cohen

By this hour you've survived, I hope, most of the usual Thanksgiving rituals: Shopping in crowded grocery stores; cooking loads of special foods all day; driving or flying to the place where you celebrated the big feast.

You've gotten through the sit-down dinner with friends and family (or alone, depending on your decision or situation this year) and managed to deal with everyone's quirky personalities and behaviors. And yet again, you probably stuffed yourself to discomfort, vowing not to eat or drink as much next year -- all the while eyeing that other piece of pumpkin pie.

You've even survived the day after Thanksgiving, one of the biggest shopping days of the year: Millions of people rushing around looking for just the right gifts for everyone on their lists, spending more money than they could afford in hopes of making their family happy. Or because they felt it's expected of them. Or because it really IS expected of them.

How many stressful things can you count in the above paragraphs? Can you avoid any of them? What's the best way to cope with this sort of stress?

My answer: Pare it down. Simplify.

Over the years I have learned to do just that. I am listing some of my hard-learned lessons that help me cut down on some of the stress of the holidays. Some of the things on my list I just learned and did for the first time this year.

•I made fewer phone-calls on Thanksgiving and e-mailed more people instead. (Ahead of time.)

•I shopped early and planned fewer dishes to prepare. I also saved last year's recipes and how-to tips, which made cooking easier and faster.

•I cooked at home instead of traveling and only got a little stressed out in the morning when I realized I wasn't going to see all the family members I wanted to.

•I opted to only clean the downstairs of the house, as no one outside the family would see the upstairs. (I'll clean it later.) (Really!)

•I started my holiday gift shopping really early. I picked up things earlier during the year and put them away in the closet. Then I discovered e-commerce and did some shopping on the Internet, which saved me the trouble of driving to stores, fighting crowds, gift wrapping, and mailing packages at the post office. Shopping earlier also helps because you don't have to pay for everything all at once. So I was able to stay within my budget. (Almost.) Most of my Chanukah gifts are wrapped, except for the two I'm waiting for from online stores. I'll finish my Christmas gift wrapping in the next week or two and get those packages into the mail before (I hope) the big crowds arrive. That's what those "don't open until Christmas" stickers are for!

Those are my tips as the "person" Lynn.

Now the "therapist" Lynn has a few tips as well:

•If you are already feeling down about something, you should be aware that the holidays are probably going to make it a little worse. Know that the holidays will pass quickly and you'll go back to coping with that sadness as you have before.

•Use relaxation techniques to stay calm. Slow, deep breathing will keep your stress responses to a minimum. Take little relaxation breaks frequently.

•Do your best to focus on the positive. Have fun! ('Tis the season to be jolly, after all!)

•If you give yourself enough time, and I know there's NEVER ENOUGH TIME, you will do better than if you try to do it all at the last minute. (This one has taken me years to get down to a science).

•Let it be okay to NOT DO IT ALL. Lower your expectations of yourself and of others. Delegate and ask for help. Decide to do less.

•Decide to spend less.

•Make time to exercise (take a walk, ride your bike, or just stretch) during your day.

•Remind yourself that no one is going to look to see if your baseboards are clean. Cut down on the number of things you have to clean before you have company! (And if someone notices your baseboards remind yourself not to sweat the small stuff. And remember that most of it really is small stuff!)

I'll stop here, as I don't want to stress you out with too long an article to read.

Feel free to add your own thoughts for avoiding undue stress over the holidays.

And do have a happy, festive holiday season.

Lynn

-- Lynn Cohen has been a marriage and family therapist in private practice since 1991. She is especially interested in the uses of writing, play, and art therapies to promote emotional healing. Lynn has a private practice in Fairfield, California.

First published December 1, 1999
Last updated February 26, 2008
Copyright © 1999 Consumer Health Interactive and Consensus Health Corporation

Or Find More On:

Back to top of page