At some point -- perhaps when the inevitable letter inviting you to join AARP arrives in your mailbox -- you realize you're likely past the halfway mark of your days on earth. Sound depressing? Sure, but there's more to it than that. As Dr. Andrew Weil writes in his book Healthy Aging, "Awareness of aging and mortality can inspire us to engage more with life, to live it to the fullest, and to fulfill our potential for accomplishment."

This is the time to think about what gives your life meaning and change course if you're not living the life you want. A good place to start is to get in touch with what some call your "authentic self" -- the person you are underneath all the labels and social packaging. Weil calls it your "unchanging essence," or the part of you that remains unchanged over time.

Often our image of ourselves is tied up in what we do, whether it's our role as parents or the profession we choose to follow. But what happens when the kids leave home, or you retire or lose your job? What's your identity then?

Kathleen Dowling Singh, a psychologist, author, and former hospice worker, has identified some key questions to help you understand your core self and prepare yourself for the years ahead. Here are a few things to ponder:

Who have I been all this time? Think about the face you've presented to the world. Does it match what you feel in your heart? Maybe you've been the even-tempered, smiling, go-to gal, when inside you often want to tell people to get lost. It's important to recognize all the parts of you -- even your dark side. Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, author of the seminal book On Death and Dying and co-author of Life Lessons, says, "To admit we have the capacity for negativity is essential. After admitting it, we can work on and release it." Obviously, the better you understand your darker side, the less likely you are to hurt others by letting it take over without realizing it.

How have I used my gift of human life? This is a thorny one. It can get you stewing over good intentions that you never acted on, trips not traveled, and friendships left to wither. But think also about the wise use you've made of your time -- even simple things like planting a garden or passing along some knowledge that helped a friend. And it's never too late to renew those good intentions: Call old friends, plan that trip, or do what you've been putting off until "someday."

What do I need to "let go of" in order to live a more peaceful life? Life is full of bumps. It's unrealistic to expect otherwise. Think about the things that cause you stress and frustration during a typical day. Sometimes it's little things, such as traffic and telemarketers, rather than the big issues -- relationship problems or a serious illness -- that really set a person off. Maybe you can take a deep breath and let the minor stresses go.

Real suffering is tougher to set aside, of course. Part of the frustration of major heartbreaks like divorce, losing a loved one, or suffering a serious illness is knowing we can't change them. In situations like these, letting go may seem like giving up. But it isn't. It means accepting that we can't make someone love us, can't bring back our parents, and can't cure our cancer by wishing it were so. It isn't easy, but trying to let go just a little can bring a measure of peace.

What gives my life meaning? Maybe it's faith, maybe it's family, or maybe it's something as simple as the feeling you get from a beautiful piece of music. Whatever it is, why not try to experience more of it? Weil suggests this practical exercise: Make a list of people in your life whose company leaves you feeling more alive, happy, and optimistic. Then make an effort to spend more time with them.

What am I grateful for? Make a list. It's probably longer than you think. As Cicero said, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." Meister Eckhart went a step further, writing that "if the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice."

What have I learned about the human condition, and how great is my compassion? About 40 years ago the Beatles sang dispiritedly, "I read the news today … oh, boy." It's a sentiment that's not uncommon today. War, poverty, crime, global warming, political differences -- we all have plenty to agonize over. What we do about it can help keep us in touch with our authentic selves.

Figuring out who you are and what you believe in are worthwhile exercises. Sharing that knowledge with others can make it even more meaningful.

Experts and even some religions, including Judaism, recommend writing what is called an "ethical will," a document that contains the values and life lessons you'd like to share with your family and community. A Jewish custom calls for parents to write a letter to their children summing up what they learned in life so they could benefit from their life experiences along with the material possessions that were left behind. You don't have to wait until your later years to write it, either. Write it now and then put it away for a while. Take a look at it from time to time and revise it if you need to.

The questions above can be a good starting point. Or think about what you know now that you wish you'd known when you were young. It might help to think of it as writing a letter to the people you love. Include whatever you like; It doesn't all have to be profound. Weil's own ethical will, which he shares in his book Healthy Aging, includes his belief that experiencing other cultures through travel can be life-transforming and change one's worldview.

•Choose one of the questions from this class and start writing down your thoughts about it in a journal.

•There are moments when we feel in tune with the world -- when we think to ourselves, "Now, this is what it's all about." When are those moments for you? Is there a way to fill your life with more of those moments?

Healthy Aging 101, Part 1: Changing Your Thinking About Aging

Healthy Aging 101, Part 2: How’s Your Health?

Healthy Aging 101, Part 3: Get Moving

Healthy Aging 101, Part 4: Staying Connected

Healthy Aging 101, Part 5: Eating for Good Health

Healthy Aging 101, Part 6: More Rest, Less Stress

Healthy Aging 101, Part 7: Planning for Your Later Years, Protecting Your Legacy

-- Nancy Montgomery is a senior editor at Consumer Health Interactive.

References

First published May 16, 2007
Last updated October 2, 2008
Copyright © 2007 Consumer Health Interactive

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